It is within the first year following the death of a loved one (sometimes longer) that we are often stuck on the last images of them. Whether it be the vision as they passed on or at the funeral services, these last images can haunt, and add to the grief.
Many wonder why we relive our loved one’s last moments. It could be that our minds are trying to accept the reality of what we have witnessed. Seeing a loved one as they are reaching the end of their life or at the moment of passing can be traumatic. Other reasons may be dependent on the circumstance of death and/or the relationship prior to their passing. The last conversation with a loved one may not have been positive, maybe an argument occurred, or the relationship dynamic was tumultuous, complicated or strained. Either way, it often results in feelings of guilt and anger. This can make us feel stuck in a place where we cannot heal. Guilt can lead us down a dark path if we are not aware of it. Self-criticism can run rampant and cause us to beat ourselves up and blame ourselves for all those things we felt went wrong. Once we engage in self-criticism, it can easily snowball to extremes and anger can emerge and take control.
Guilt unfortunately can play a big part in re-playing the death of your loved one as well as things that happened before death. Our mind subconsciously uses guilt to punish. This is an important concept to recognize, though it is not surprising we naturally bask in the throes of guilt after we lose a loved one. Our internal balance is off and alters our thinking. Once we understand what is happening inside of us, it can lead to empowerment, the ability give yourself compassion and the green light to take action for change.