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| Welcome to our February Newsletter |
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Deceased Loved ones for the Month of December
Gloria Jean Beck
Rose Bonaldi
Robert Capuano
Mary Jo Casaceli
Rita Chrisley
Peter Ciravola
Frank DeCarlo
Rose Marie DiMaggio
Margaret DiPrima
Barbara Fogarty
Dorothy Fornatara
Peter W. Giullari Jr.
Daniel Guay
Frank Kent
Thomas Maceachern
Arthur Masters Jr.
Betty McDonald
Adela Montanarella
Rev. Norbert Nolan
Susan Oldfield
John Patrick
Maureen Pierce
Beverly Ricotta
Michael Streb
Joseph Testa
James Van Roo
POSSIBLE WARNING SIGNS FOR COMPLICATED GRIEVING
Avoidance of Grief
Mummification ( the deceased room is left unchanged long after the death)
Idealization (exaggerating the positive qualities of the deceased, which maintains a fixation on the magnitude of the loss)
Holding on to anger or guilt rather than saying good-bye and forgiving oneself and others
Chronic Grief (also called Prolonged or Interminable)
Although the loss occurred years ago, individual cannot speak of it without intense over whelming pain.
Years after the loss, unrelated events still trigger intense grief response.
Themes of loss repeatedly come up in daily conversation.
Years after the death, the bereaved has not resumed normal day-to-day functioning.
Delayed Grief
A current loss or other significant event elicits exaggerated response, indicating unresolved loss from the past also exists.
Inhibited Grief (also called Masked or Repressed)
Neglect of health
Drug abuse, including alcohol and medication.
Extended preoccupation with suicidal thoughts.
Acting out (promiscuity, legal violations)
Persistent psychosomatic complaints, including chronic pain.
Developing physical symptoms of deceased if he or she had been ill.
Impulsive decision making (sudden radical changes in lifestyle)
Psychiatric Illness (May also be Masked Grief)
Psychiatric disorders (clinical depression, anxiety, brief psychosis, eating disorders, post traumatic stress)
THE FUTURE
There's an unknown path before me
And yet I fear it not;
I know through all the years gone by,
Whate'er has been my lot,
That a kind and heavenly Father,
Planned out the way for me;
And I know that in the future,
Watched over, I shall be.
Yes, I know God's care and kindness
Will ever with me stay,
To assist me on life's journey,
And brighten up my way.
So then welcome! unknown future,
Bring me whate'er you will-
With God's loving hand to guide me,
I shall be cared for still!
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THE LEGACY
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Grief: Some Common Sense Answers
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HOUSEHOLD TIPS
Kitchens:
- Dripping Pipes: (elbows) Wrapping the pipe with duct tape will save it for a little while longer.
- Drains: Using a restaurant brush may help unclog drains.
- Light Bulbs: To save energy do not use any light bulb over 60 watts in your ceiling fixtures.
- Electrical Outlets: Placing rubber pads between the wall and the outlet will conserve heat.
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THOUGHTS
MOURNER'S BILL OF RIGHTS
- You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
- You have the right to talk about your grief.
- You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions
- You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
- You have the right to experience "griefbursts" -sudden, powerful surges of grief.
- You have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral.
- You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
- You have the right to search for meaning in life and death.
- You have the right to treasure your memories.
- You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
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WHAT TO SAY...WHAT NOT TO SAY
When we are reaching out to the bereaved it is often common to feel helpless. It is sometimes hard to know what to say that might prove comforting to the bereaved person. Often in our discomfort we fall back on cliches. While well meant, they are often not helpful and sometimes anger producing for the grieving person.
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PLEASE DO NOT SAY:
- Be thankful he was not aware at the end.
- He had a good life.
- Be glad you had her as long as you did.
BECAUSE:
We are justifying the death from our perspective, not from the view of the bereaved. This discounts the grieving person's pain.
SAY INSTEAD:
- It must have been difficult to watch her pain all those months.
- When I came to visit it always hurt to see her in pain. But I still miss her.
- I am wondering if you are feeling empty. Is it difficult to fill the time?
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1411 Vintage Lane Greece, NY • Phone: 585-720-6000 • Fax: 585-720-9499 • info@Bartolomeo.com
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